Anniversary Madness, Or How James Potter Pulled Out All The Stops
by lunalunettebeans
Summary: It's his anniversary tomorrow, and James Potter is in deep trouble. He doesn't have a present! Unless he can think of something, Lily's going to have his guts for garters. And of course, Sirius and Remus are going to help him, whether they like it or not. Jily and minor wolfstar. Rated for innuendo and language.


Anniversary Madness, Or How James Potter Pulled Out All The Stops

A/N Okay, first things first. Harry Potter is mine, you hear? It belongs to me. I stole it when JK Rowling's back was turned. What? I could get arrested for that? Oh. Then I was only borrowing it, I swear. Second things second, I need reviews. So be good little readers and just drop a line. Beta was Trublumoon, again. (She's not on , don't bother looking) Songs are the property of their writers, not me. As much as I'd love to have written Here Comes the Sun, I have not. Such is life. That's all I have to say, apart from ENJOY.

It was one in the morning on a cloudy London night, and Sirius was exasperated.

"James, you absolute tosser. Just choose something already."

James scowled at him and snapped, "You try picking the perfect two-year anniversary gift. It's bloody impossible!"

The two of them were currently in a local department store that had the decency to stay open twenty four hours a day, so bumbling idiots like James Potter could find the perfect anniversary gift.

Sirius sighed, "You do realize you're a wizard, right? You could just transfigure something for her."

James looked at him, scandalised.

"She's Lily. A transfigured teddy isn't going to cut it. Besides, I did that in second year and she tore it's head off, do you think…" he trailed off when he spotted a jewelry store and dragged Sirius inside.

They stood in front of a glass display case, Sirius slumped against it, and James practically nose-to-glass trying to seek out the perfect piece for Lily.

"What do you think of this?" he asked, pointing to a solid gold necklace inlaid with rubies.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, a trait he'd picked up from years of living with Remus, "Do you even have that much muggle money? And don't answer that you could always go back to Gringotts for an exchange. You know Lily will slaughter you if she suspected you of wasting money."

James blinked, frustrated and tired, before sliding back against the display and slumping onto the floor, throwing his arms into the air.

"I can't do this, mate! I'm cracked! This is taking ages and I haven't slept in forty-eight hours courtesy of Dumbledore's you-know-whats and I still don't have a present even though it is one in the morning and Lily is going to chop off my limbs and feed them to me for breakfast!"

Sirius could've reassured him, but he was mid-yawn. He hadn't slept either; they had gone here first after a two-day stakeout for the Order, not even stopping at their respective flats.

"...See? You're falling asleep because I, James Fleamont Potter, am a sorry excuse for a human being because I can't even get my girlfriend a sodding anniversary present, and Lily is going to leave me because I don't deserve her and without her I'll just be one of those drunken yobs scavenging in rubbish bins and IT WILL BE ALL MY FAULT for not getting her the PERFECT GIFT!"

James let out a burst of accidental magic and a few glass cases shattered. The shopkeep screamed and ran into the back, presumably to call the police. Sirius crouched down to reassure him, or at least calm him down enough so they didn't get arrested.

"James- James, look at me. You are a sad, whipped excuse of a wizard, and a sodding moron who doesn't know how to choose a bloody present without having some sort of emotional breakdown. But. Lily loves you, and while I cannot guarantee your limbs will not be handed to you on a silver platter, I can say with absolute certainty that she is not going to leave you. Mutilate, sure. Leave? Never. Unless you set her library on fire and destroy her books. She and Moony have that in common."

James looked up at him and gave him a half-hearted two-fingered salute.

"You know, you're really, really bad at pep talks."

Sirius grinned, "At least you're not exploding any more jewelry cases. Speaking of which… reparo!"

As the glass flew back together, repairing itself, sirens and flashing lights issued from the street outside. Two burly muggle policemen ran in, holding guns.

"Put your hands up and don't move, unless you want a bullet through your brains!"

"Shit," Sirius whispered, as James whimpered, "Now Lily's definitely going to murder me."

…oOo…

Sirius and James were slouched in a holding cell, waiting for the recipient of their one phone call to pick them up.

In the meanwhile, they argued.

"This is all your fault! If you hadn't insisted on staying on our shift an hour later-"

"Rodolphus is a Death Eater! You're saying you wanted Voldemort to get that package full of-"

"Well, that's the point, isn't it? The package was full of bloody-"

"Cinnamon buns, I know! But could you have lived with that guilt, Mr Accidental Magic that gets us arrested?"

"That's hardly my fault!"

They were interrupted by a gruff policewoman, "Quiet down! Someone called Remus Lupin is here for you."

She left the room as Remus walked in.

"Well. This is ridiculous, even for you idiots. You're lucky that I have a good Confundus charm."

"Yeah, yeah. Now us out of here!" Grumbled James.

Remus tapped his chin lightly, "You know, I could just leave you here and have the Muggle justice system grab you in it's steely clutches. It's my understanding that you robbed a jewelry store?"

Sirius gulped, "Remus. Remy-kins. Moony-moons. Let's be reasonable here. If I was to rot away in prison for the rest of my life, then who would you sn-"

Remus reddened, "And that's quite enough of that. You know, I think I'll just let Lily take care of you idiots. It is her anniversary today."

James actually got down on his knees. "Oh Great and Mighty Moony! Possessor of a Wand! I AM NAUGHT BUT YOUR HUMBLE SERVANT! Just let us out!"

Smirking and examining his nails idly, Remus asked, "How did you get your wands taken away from you in the first place?"

Sirius put his fist over his heart and proclaimed, "It was a riveting tale full of dragons and firefights-"

"We didn't want to be killed by muggle police officers, so we let ourselves be patted down. They found our wands and tossed them in a bag marked 'EVIDENCE'. I think the bigger policeman sat on them in the car."

Sirius grumbled, "That lady who patted me down kept trying to grope me. I had to tell her three times that I had a boyfriend before she stopped."

Remus looked up sharply. "So not only did you get arrested by muggles, but you got your wands taken off? You absolute idiots. I'll let you out, because doubtless if I walk away from you now, you'll find a way to get put on death row, and I don't want to have to be the one who tells Lily she can't kill you two herself."

Sirius swallowed, "You know what? Leave us here. A firing squad would be less painful."

Remus rolled his eyes and cast a Confundus charm on the security cameras, short circuiting them, before using Alohomora on the door. The two black haired idiots walked out rather sheepishly.

Remus dug the cloak out of his messenger bag, and tossed it to James, the shortest of the three and the only one who could still fit entirely inside it without disembodied feet.

He raised an eyebrow at Sirius.

"Well? Are you going to transform or not?"

In the blink of an eye, a shaggy black dog stood where Sirius had stood mere milliseconds ago. Remus strolled casually out the door, confounding any policemen who thought to stop him, as though he jailbroke fugitives for a living. Knowing how many times he had saved the Marauders from Professor McGonagall's wrath at school, that wasn't far from the truth.

…oOo…

From there, the lot of them apparated to Remus and Sirius' flat on the outskirts of muggle London, because James wasn't about to go back to Lily empty handed.

As they all flopped onto the couch, Remus asked them, "So, how did your mission go? I mean, apart from waking me up at two in the morning, I assume you did something productive-"

"Nothing." Sirius interrupted, his eyes haunted. "48 hours straight and still, nothing. 48 hours straight of whining and melt downs and still, nothing but a package of cinnamon buns for the Dark Lord for our troubles."

Remus looked at him strangely, "All right then. At least you didn't get hurt."

"I would never do that to my beautiful face."

"Good, because you know how much I love that face."

"Just the face?"

James looked between the two of them.

"Sorry to interrupt this frankly quite embarrassing flirting, but we've a crisis! I still haven't a present for Lily!"

Remus sighed, "Well, I'm sorry, but nothing apart from that department store that you've now a lifetime ban from was open. At least you got your wands back from that not-in-any-way confounded man at the evidence booth."

James looked as though he were about to have a fit, and shrieked, "Lily is going to murder me! How are wands supposed to help!?"

Remus steepled his fingers under his chin and smirked. "I'll tell you what your wands can do. Magic."

Sirius, who was still recovering from the semi-evil look on Remus' face, said, "You do realize that that was suggestive right?"

Remus stared at him, flustered, and stammered, "What? No! That's… no. Sirius. That's not what I meant. At all."

Sirius was red-faced and cackling, but James hadn't even cracked a smile.

Remus shook his head at Sirius before turning to James. "Don't worry Prongs, I've got a plan that'll save you from Lily's wrath."

…oOo…

Lily Evans paced around the coffee table in the flat that she and James shared. What was taking him so long? Had the mission gone awry?

Lily was not the worrying type. She wasn't the kind of woman that clucked and worried and ruffled their feathers. So why was she so bloody nervous? So James was late. So he should've been home four hours ago.

That didn't mean he was lying in a ditch somewhere, with Death Eaters dancing in circles around his dead form. She trusted him not to get killed.

Oh, bugger.

She didn't even trust him not to burn himself making toast. She sat down on the couch and stared morosely at the fireplace. Then she stood back up and started pacing again.

…oOo…

Half an hour later, just as Lily had dropped back down to the sofa, the fireplace flashed green, and out walked James, ruffled, but looking no worse for wear except for a nasty-looking burn on the side of his face and wine-colored bags under his eyes.

Lily was on her feet in an instant, crossing the room and wrapping her arms tightly around him.

"Where in the name of Merlin's toe fungus have you been? You great toe rag, do you know how late you are?" she pulled away and slapped him hard across the face, saying, "That's for making me worry."

Then she leaned in and kissed him even harder, "and that's for not burning yourself making toast. Er- I mean, not getting killed."

James looked down at her, half bemused and half euphoric, courtesy of the kiss. She looked up at him and noticed-

"Wait. Why are you dressed in Hogwarts robes? This is not encouraging, James Potter."

He merely winked at her, "You'll see. Come with me."

Lily was skeptical. James loved drama, but why now? He had just come back from an Order mission, and the dark circles under his eyes didn't make much of a case against exhaustion.

But, James Potters are notoriously stubborn creatures, and so, resigned, she followed him back through the emerald flames.

…oOo…

They popped out in Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore himself, electric blue eyes twinkling, winked at them and gestured to the door.

Lily had thought at the sight of the office that there was some sort of Order work to be done, but evidently not. Her confusion rising, she followed James to a room on the seventh floor that she didn't remember.

When they walked in, she gasped. They were standing in the Great Hall, which was filled with Order of the Phoenix members and old friends. Alice and Frank, Benjy Fenwick, Marlene Mckinnon, even Fabian and Gideon Prewett were all seated at their respective house tables.

"James?" She asked, "Why are we all here?"

James grinned wickedly, and shouted, "Moony! Padfoot! That's your cue!"

With a deafening roar, Here Comes the Sun blasted from the walls, and Lily buried her head in her hands, caught between laughter and annoyance as she yelled over the music, "THIS AGAIN, POTTER?"

James winked and ruffled his hair, just as he had that day in first year, and the volume lowered. He jumped onto the Gryffindor table, just as fireworks reading 'LILY' exploded over the sky.

He picked up his wand, casted Sonorus, and spoke into it, his magically amplified voice booming out over the last drones of the song.

"Lily Evans is the sun

And her hair looks fun

To play with, like fire

Or even copper wire

I am awesome

Lily is pretty-some

My hair is great

Hers is first-rate

I love Lily

Please don't kill me

Go out with me?"

It was the same terrible poem he had recited way back in first year, and although the annoyance and embarrassment Lily had felt then was making a repeat performance, she couldn't help but be touched because he had remembered.

Though, if this was going to happen, she might as well play along.

"In your dreams, Potter! Go find a fire to burn in, if you like it so much!"

James laughed and turned to her, "Can I use your hair instead?"

"No!"

James grinned as the scene changed, and they were in Hogsmeade, all of them bundled up against the… snow? It was May, but large fluffy snowflakes were falling on the Hogwarts alumni that lined the High Street of Hogsmeade, which was decorated in wizarding fairy lights (actual fairies) and red and pink hearts that fluttered every so often, as if to let you know that they were alive. It looked to be… Valentine's day?

James cast a nonverbal spell, and waves of memory assaulted Lily as all the snow, including the flakes still falling on them turned the same rusty shade of red as her hair. She remembered this…

Oh, no.

James summoned a barrell from The Three Broomsticks- or whatever the replica was in this strange room- and climbed atop it. He gestured to Remus to let a full dozen doves out of a cage that was stealthily hidden in an alley, and while they were in mid-flight, transfigured them into- you guessed it- lillies.

Lily-the-woman stared at the lily-the-flowers and turned fire engine red, making her almost blend in with the snow behind her.

"JAMES POTTER! What in the name of Merlin's most annoying pet hippogriff is this?"

James winked at her and mouthed, 'Second year' before bursting into badly composed song-

"LILY!

"You are the sunshine of my life

"That's why I'll always be around

"You are the apple of my eye

"Forever you'll stay in my heart!"

James could get no further quoting Stevie Wonder's Sunshine of My Life before Lily had rolled a blood-colored snowball (as she had in second year) and lobbed it at his chest.

He looked down, and said in wonder, quite dramatically, "Good lord, I've been shot," before collapsing off the barrel and onto the snow-coated ground.

Sirius materialized out of the crowd and ran to James, holding his prone form as if he'd just been slain on the battlefield, crocodile tears leaking out of his eyes. They had always been fans of thespian art. A pity they hadn't pursued it.

"OH NO!" Sirius shouted, glancing at the words inked on the back of his hand, "James! How could you! Slaid on the field of love, you old dog! You were-" He looked at the back of his hand again, making Lily reconsider his career as an actor, "The best friend a man could have, much like a dog, that."

James coughed on the ground, "Said the pot to the kettle."

"It's true! And why," he asked, as James went limp in his arms, "would your last words have been a jibe at me, you tosser? That was unscripted."

He then proceeded to fire a snowball at Lily, starting the Second-Greatest Snowball Fight in All Hogwarts History. (the first had been on the actual day in second year.)

…oOo…

When everyone was tired out from the snowball fight, the room changed again, this time looking like the Gryffindor common room. There were streamers and… were those balloons? Lily hadn't seen actual balloons in Hogwarts since… shit. They were doing this again, really? Of all the things that had happened in Third year, this?

James had been dressed in the most horrendous muggle outfit of all time.

Lily wasn't a fashion addict, far from it, but this, even she could see was terrible. She thought that after that scarring day in third year, she would never have to look at James like this again.

He was sauntering down the steps that led to the Boy's dormitories, wearing a hideous neon pink wife beater over green bell bottoms that were clearly too small. Rainbow leg warmers covered his red-stilettoed feet, and fishnet armwarmers ran down his elbows to his wrists. A wide assortment of jewelry was draped around his neck, including, strangely enough, two earings pinned to a mis-knotted black and white optical-illusion bowtie. His hair was dripping in muggle gel, which made it look even worse than usual. He'd tried to stick it back, but instead it lay flat in some places and poofed up like an electric shock in others.

And that wasn't even mentioning the terribly thick eyeliner and 'Jaimey' written across his forehead in what appeared to be lipstick.

To make matters worse, Sirius was dressed in exactly the same thing, though at least his outfit was color-coordinated, and his eyeliner and hair were perfect, though 'Padfoot' was scrawled across his head in sloppy writing.

Remus took one look at him and proclaimed, "I'm not dancing with you if you look like that."

It appeared he was the only one with sense and had worn a dress shirt, a red tie, and slacks. Lily thanked the lord for his lack of flamboyance- and his muggle mother.

It seemed that all the muggleborns and half-bloods had gone for something like what Remus was wearing, while the purebloods were dressed ridiculously for a 'Night of Muggle'.

Oh, Lily remembered this. And she did not want to. Ages of suppressing this memory only for it to be replayed in front of her. Shit.

James walked up to her, and said, "Lily. Stunning as ever, I see."

She looked down and discovered she was dressed in her old Hogwarts robes, just as she had then, and actually sighed in relief.

"Get away from me, Potter. You look like a blind troll dressed you in a clown shop. All that's missing is the red nose."

She eyed the food table wearily, "I hope you didn't try cooking again. Last time, you poisoned half the people that came, and I don't care to relive that bout of gastroenteritis."

"Don't worry," James said, eyes crinkling from the memory, "We had the house-elves make the food this time."

"And the punch?"

James shrugged, "Ask Padfoot. I've no idea what he put in there, but he fancied something with 'kick', and I'm guessing it's at least ninety-five percent firewhiskey, maybe mead."

Lily raised an eyebrow, "And you plan on getting everyone sober for what I'm assuming will be four more years of chaos how?"

Remus happened to overhear the conversation, and added, "Dumbledore was kind enough to ask Madam Pomfrey to spike Sirius' spiked punch with sobering potion; no one's getting plastered here. But don't tell Sirius."

Sirius, being the dog that he was, wandered over.

"Don't tell Sirius what?"

Remus floundered before planting a snog on his lips.

Dazed, Sirius wandered off, a tight grip on Remus' hand.

James coughed, "I… wouldn't follow them."

Lily laughed, and said, "Well? Are you going to start dancing to Ring, Ring or are you going to leave me hanging?"

At that, the room started playing the Abba song, and James lept up on a table, and started to dance.

What followed was a sight too graphic for Lily to comprehend fully, and was sent to the very back of her mind, because she didn't want to have to curl up into a ball sucking on her thumb for all eternity.

He finished it off with a ridiculous bow and a 'That was for Lily!"

For a few moments, while everyone was still reeling from the torture that they'd had to witness- again, mind you- there was silence.

Then the Room conjured a wheelbarrow full of Stinkpellets.

After a game of what Lily liked to call, 'You Stink', James smelled like death in a locker room that hadn't been cleaned in centuries, housed a wrestling team as well as five species of mould. And that was being generous.

…oOo…

When the Room changed again, they were in the Great Hall. Giant skulls lined the walls and the usual House banners were orange, black, and purple. Lily remembered this incident all too well.

It was the first-and subsequently last- year that Hogwarts encouraged costumes on Halloween for 'Muggle/Wizard Unity'.

The Marauders took this to new heights, embracing old clichès and making them as outrageous as possible.

Lily herself was dressed as a black cat- 'don't cross me, Potter, I'll give you more than just bad luck'- and had been quite happy with the way the festival was turning out, thank-you-very-much, when the Marauders strolled in.

Remus and Sirius had embraced the old clichè with fervor, it appeared.

Remus' hair had been charmed long, black and straight, almost brushing his shoulders, and falling into his eyes, which had been turned grey. He wore a black leather jacket over a fitted white button-down shirt, black skinny jeans, and combat boots. (Sirius' Muggle phase the spring before had drastically improved his choice in clothes)

Sirius, in the meantime, had short wavy auburn hair and auburn eyes. He had on a jumper with the lunar cycle on-subtle, that,- and slacks over brown loafers. Three thick scars had been drawn on his face in what looked like pink grease pencil.

They looked for all the world like each other, save for the fact that 'Sirius' was now four inches taller than 'Remus'.

Naturally, a chorus of wolf-whistles followed them as they walked in. By now, everyone knew about Sirius and Remus, and while not everyone had been accepting at first, those people were not invited, and those who were were used to the idea.

James, however, struck even the most audacious whistler dumb.

His hair was long and red, smooth, if a bit poofy, courtesy of copious amounts of Sleekeazy's, no doubt. He wore a black cat costume, the same as the one that Lily had on (she thanked every deity she knew of that his was ludicrously baggy), and his eyes had been charmed green.

"Guess who?" he asked.

Lily groaned. This had been bad enough the first time. Why was he doing all of this again in the first place?

James sashayed over to Lily. (Sashayed. As if Lily ever sashayed.)

She glared as she had then, but then there was the feast to be taken care of, and the house-elf prepared food that had been carted up here magically was to die for.

The one good thing about having James Potter as your boyfriend, Lily mused, was that he sure knew how to get everything his way.

Which in this case, meant a full Hogwarts feast, and the opportunity to catch up with old friends.

She sat down with Frank, Alice, Marlene, and Dorcas, and they all chatted comfortably about this and that, all of them pointedly avoiding the war, and that the fourth and final Marauder had not made an appearance all night.

It was pleasant, and Lily almost forgot what had made this Halloween so special, which was a mistake on her part.

After the dinner, which was sumptuous and long-lived, suits of armour, enchanted to walk, marched into the Great Hall, and began to proclaim loudly their love for one Lily Evans in tinny, metallic voices. James leapt upon the table- Lily was beginning to sense a pattern here- and proclaimed 'I will defend the honor of my Lady Lily!'

What followed was a cheesy-if entertaining- duel: James and his wand against the armour army and their assorted weapons.

Back in their actual fourth year, Mcgonagall had put a stop to the jousting before it could get anywhere, but now, James fought each and every suit of armour with an Auror's precision. It was almost touching, really.

Then Lily noticed Remus and Sirius standing on opposite sides of the room, half hidden behind Halloween banners, using their wands to animate the armour, and rolled her eyes. Nevermind, then.

She pointed her own wand at theirs, and disarmed them, their wands flying into her grip.

The suits promptly went limp, and she walked over to James, smirking, "You can't even rescue my honor without having me rescue you. Then she planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Dork."

James smiled at her, and then the room changed again.

…oOo…

They were in the Gryffindor common room, sprawled out on couches and waiting for the next event.

"James is so sweet," said Alice, "You said you don't know why he's doing this?"

Lily shook her head and shrugged, "No idea. My best guess is that he likes the attention, and he's always been a bit of a drama queen, so that could be it."

Alice laughed and punched her arm, "Consider yourself lucky. James is a good man, if a bit dramatic."

Lily rubbed at where she had been hit, "Ow."

Alice smirked, "Sorry. Auror training. Guess James doesn't have to worry about that with you. Why did you want to be a healer again?"

Lily seemed to be doing a lot of shrugging.

"It seemed like the best way I could help in the war effort. I was always good at potions."

Alice looked like she was about to say something when a giant stuffed stag was pushed through the Common Room door with a 'pop'.

James beamed at Lily and proclaimed, "This, my dear Lily-flower, is Prongs Junior, your faithful steed. Eisque!"

With a bang, there was a life-sized stag in the common room. Lily didn't remember this part, and was wondering whether or not to be panicking-knowing James, yes- but was shocked silent when there were suddenly two stags in the room, and James was nowhere to be seen.

Then, with yet another 'pop', James was back, and had transfigured the other stag back into a stuffed animal.

"Suprise?"

Lily stood up and scowled at him, too shocked to do much anything else.

"You absolute imbecile! Are you even legal? When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me? You are in so much trouble!"

James looked at her, a note of panic in his eyes. He knew perfectly well that when Lily was in a mood like this, it did no good to beat around the bush.

"I'm legal as of a week ago, I didn't tell you because I was waiting for the right time, and this might've… sort of… happened… at the beginning of fifth year?"

Lily was brick red and stuttering, "James Flea-brain Potter! Why in the name of Merlin's favorite chew toy didn't you tell me?"

James coughed, "Remus' rabbit."

Lily sobered immediately at the mention of the code word for Remus' lycanthropy, and asked, "So this is how you… helped cure the rabbit?"

James nodded, and she hugged him, all anger forgotten as everyone else stared at them bemused.

"Remus'... rabbit," muttered Alice confusedly, "Right."

…oOo…

With a flash, the room had changed until they were in the Charms corridor. Mistletoe dotted the ceiling up ahead, and Lily knew exactly what James was trying to reenact.

In sixth year, Remus had come down with what was supposedly a 'raging fever' and had to stay in the hospital wing for the day. Sirius, being the starry-eyed smitten puppy that he was had decided to stay with him to give him company, and Peter had a stay-inside date with his girlfriend, Alana Boot.

Lily had been friends with Remus ever since their prefect duties happened to coincide one day, and they had both expressed their undying love… of muggle classic literature. So, she had followed James when he had suggested that they both go down to pay him a visit.

Naturally, James had to try to use his friend's illness to make a move on Lily. They had walked through the Charms corridor, and by total coincidence, had gotten caught underneath magical mistletoe that refused to let them out until they'd snogged.

Lily had been furious enough at the prospect of 'the Toerag's' lips coming into contact with her own, when she spotted Remus walking down the hall with Sirius in tow, perfectly fine.

That was not a pleasant day for the Marauders; Lily had decided to hex them with boils that made sitting down very painful.

Now, of course, for this humiliation, she had to get revenge, if you could call it that. She cast a charm on the three marauders that made them walk slightly faster than they otherwise would, and got them caught under the mistletoe, much to their embarrassment.

Well. Not so much Remus and Sirius' embarrassment, they seemed to quite like it, but James turned pink as the mistletoe eagerly trapped him there, and refused to let him go until he'd snogged at least one of them under it.

Smirking, Remus bowed out, and Sirius muttered, "You owe me. This is practically incest."

After that incident, James and Sirius spat and cast scourgify on their mouths, and Remus and Lily tried (and failed) not to snicker at the looks on their faces, which was being kind. The rest of the spectators were howling.

When all the soap bubbles from the assorted cleaning spells had dissipated, James clapped his hands, and shouted, "Well, that's all, folks. Sorry to end on a sour note, but you can all go home now. Doubtless you'll hear the rest later, though, never fear!"

Sirius looked scandalized, "Moony and I helped you set this up. Surely you don't mean us as well?"

James just gestured to the door, and was flipped off for his efforts.

…oOo…

When the last stragglers had left, the room morphed into a copy of the Hogwarts library.

Suddenly shy, James gave into an old habit and ran a hand through his hair, making Lily smile.

"Do you remember this?" He asked quietly, "We were on our way back to the common room after a Prefect's meeting, and you and I stayed behind because I wanted to know what was wrong with you. The past few days, you were on the edge of a breakdown, and I needed to know why, so I could try to make it better.

"I grabbed onto your robes and demanded you tell me. The look on your face, I thought I was going to be slapped," he laughed quietly, sincere despite the joke, "Imagine my surprise when instead of hitting me, you collapsed into a chair and told me all about your- frankly quite horrid- sister, and how she sent you a letter to tell you she was getting married, and not to come. I said you were better off not going, because one of you was worth a thousand of her, and instead of scoffing, you hugged me.

"I was shell shocked and said something really intelligent, like, 'Nghah,' and you laughed and told me that there was a Hogsmeade trip the next weekend, and I almost died. And now we're here again, and I have to tell you, these past two years have been the best in my life. Happy anniversary, Lily."

Lily stared at him, aghast.

"A-anniversary? I… er. Thanks, James."

James started laughing hysterically, "Li- lil- lily? You forgot our anni-anniversary? After I almost had an aneurysm on the mission from last night when I realised it was today? Lily!"

Lily collapsed back into a chair, narrowly missing the table, "We really were made for each other, weren't we, James?"

He was too busy laughing to reply, and out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw a tiny red box appear on the side of the table. She reached out and opened it, and realised what she had to do.

Once James had recovered enough to stand up, Lily took a deep breath and knelt down on one knee, holding the box out in front of her.

"James Potter, you know I'm rubbish at speeches, and possibly the only thing I will admit to you being better than me at is conjuring a long winded, tear jerking spiel out of abso-bloody-lutely nowhere. But I will say this- you make me happy. And occasionally want to rip off your limbs in a rather satisfying fit of homicidal mania. But I love you. So, will you do me the honor of making me the happiest woman alive and marrying me? I think that's how the speech goes. I'm not entirely sure. I may be rambling. Please say-"

James grabbed her arm and lifted her off the floor, a glassy, awed look in his eyes.

"Just so you know, Sirius will never let me hear the end of this. You proposing instead of the other way 'round. I suppose he'll make an embarrassing speech about it at our wedding."

Lily laughed, and was still laughing when he kissed her.

After they broke apart because the two of them just couldn't stop laughing, James picked up the little red box.

"W-what's in here a-anyway?" he asked, still recovering from the fits of laughter.

They opened it to discover a note-

James and Lily-

I have been playing matchmaker for some time now.

I humbly apologize, but, I simply couldn't resist the throes of young love. It pleases me to know all of my meddling has finally paid off.

As a tribute to my amazingness, would you please have Cockroach Clusters in the gift bags at the wedding?

Yours truly,

Albus Percington Wolfric Brain Dumbledore.

Lily snorted, "Did Sirius really think that he could fool us with this? Dumbledore wouldn't spell his own name wrong."

James snorted, "It was probably Remus' idea."

There was a flash, and then a bang, and then suddenly the air was filled with fireworks.

"What the hell?" said James, eloquently.

Everyone who had been there at the start of the… whatever it was climbed out of a trapdoor underneath the floorboards in the library. With a start, Lily saw that both Dumbledore and McGonagall had made an appearance.

Alice grinned, "This room is amazing. Did you really think that you could show us half a show and be done with it?"

Remus smiled, "Congratulations on the wedding. And the note wasn't my idea, it was Professor Dumbledore's."

X-ray eyes sparkling, Dumbledore added, "I sometimes misspell my own name to make certain that the readers of said name are paying attention. And do note the section regarding the Cockroach Clusters. Simply divine candy, really."

James faltered for a moment before coming to terms that their former Headmaster had an affinity for insect-infested caramel chunks.

Lily just sat down on her chair again and blushed bright, burying her face in her hands, "Is there no such thing as privacy?"

Sirius grinned, "Nope."

Marlene McKinnon interrupted the murder of Sirius Black by saying, "I hope we're all invited to the wedding, Lily. We've been invested for what? Nine years now?"

Lily, still crimson, sighed. Well, at least she would be getting wedding gifts out of these people soon enough. They certainly owed her more than Bundt pans for this bout of madness.

…oOo…

A/N: Well, that was a really long one-shot.

Don't forget to review!


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